coming soon to FOX

Get ready America, it's time to play Who's the Most Conservative? featuring everyone's favorite host - with that delightful shit-eating grin - Ryan Seacrest!

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Seacrest: Candidate No.2, how would you respond to Candidate No. 1's claim that he would electrocute a Syrian cab driver's testicles to prove his conservative credentials?

Candidate No. 2: Well Ryan, Candidate No. 1 says he is resolute enough to stand up against the liberal feminazis in the Clinton campaign, but did you know that his wife holds a full-time job as a librarian?!? I'm so conservative that I would personally rent a U-Haul truck, drive to a day laborer site, pick up as many illegals as I could hold and drive them back to Mexico on a bumpy, dirt road.

Seacrest: Wow, that's awfully conservative. Candidate No. 1, do you have a response?

Candidate No. 1: Yes, Ryan. What Candidate No. 2 failed to mention is whether or not he would torture the day laborers before he deports them. I would personally waterboard all of them before driving them back to Mexico. As for my wife, she works at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. They only stock Milton Friedman and Ayn Rand books in their gift shop. Once a month we make love in the missionary position while reciting passages from The Fountainhead. Therefore, we are the most conservative!

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Stay tuned for Who's the Most Conservative? followed by America's Next Top Crank Whore. Only on FOX!