viva las vegas
Pictures are located here to serve as a visual accompaniment to this post.
. . .
Three days, two nights was all I could take. The cement and smoke got to me. I don’t gamble, so the majority of my money went towards food, alcohol and a new skirt for the wife. My solace each night was returning to our hotel room to find a photo of the beautiful Marilyn Monroe hanging next to our bed.
We went to Vegas for my cousin’s wedding, which was a quick ten minute affair at a wedding chapel near Fremont Street. After the wedding we attended dinner, a show and a champagne toast at a two-story suite atop the MGM Grand.
“All that for just ten minutes”, I thought to myself. It was strikingly different from my wedding, which was a 1.5 hour ceremony and Catholic mass followed by a four hour reception and party with bottles of rum and salsa dancing.
. . .
Vegas is a city that is not ashamed of flaunting its true essence. People proudly refer to it as Sin City--the home of greed, excess capital and morally-lapsed decision making. The décor of Vegas merely accentuates its personality. It is the first postmodern city, founded by mobsters and run by casino billionaires.
After the third hotel they all look and sound the same. The new classy hotels (Bellagio and Wynn) are the best to visit. The cheesy ones (Harrah’s and Flamingo) are just waiting to be dynamited and replaced with new, classy monstrosities.
It’s also fun. Where else in the United States can you walk city streets with a beer bottle or yard-long margarita your hand? Where else can you dine with obese people at wasteful buffets? Where else can you win your very own H2?
The streets are littered with porn ads and Latino immigrants hand you discount fliers for strippers. Guests roam their hotel casinos and lobbies wearing only bathrobes and flip-flops. Groups of guys and girls cruise the bars during their bachelor and bachelorette party weekends respectively.
AC Patriot noted that the city is unique for its libertarian spirit. I personally would call it libertinism—sex, drugs and rock n’roll sans the responsibility or forethought. But being a libertine can be fun.
Everyone needs an escape and Vegas is it for many people. They like the fake and they enjoy the illusion. They suck it up. It's the American dream deferred. Hell, it's called a dream, not a reality.
The latest trend is the burlesque show—the “artistic” counterpart to the traditional vulgar striptease. I wanted to catch a burlesque show but mi esposa wouldn't be down with that idea. Plus, it's way overpriced. I also missed out on the bikini bull riding (but I will definitely return for the cold beer and dirty girls).
So, to recap, here's what I learned in Vegas:
- Old time Vegas acts, singers and showmen are being replaced by technical wonder shows, magic acts and obtuse French acrobatic acts.
- Cirque de Soleil is overrated. Don’t waste your money.
- Gin Martinis are gross. My body can’t take hard liquor like it used to.
- Hoover Dam is cool.
- Country-singer Toby Keith has a bar & grill chain with gaudy, American flag painted guitars.
- Watching the lions at the MGM Grand is a great time-waster.
- The house always wins. Don’t delude yourself.
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