activate the fifth column of holiday haters
UPDATE: This was originally posted on 12/8/2006. I'm moving it to the top of the page to pledge my devotion on the global struggle against obnoxious santanistas. If you're questioning my motives in launching this war, read my defeatists post from last year on the issue.
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if it's a war they want, it's a war they'll get!
I, Comandante Agí, hereby declare a war on Christmas. It's mythical characters, sappy music and decadent food, have ruled the month of December for far too long. I will be gathering up an army of scrooges, atheists, agnostics, secular humanists, defeatists, holiday rejectionists, peaceniks and Christians fed up with the consumerist perversion of their holiday to liberate this month from the real axis of evil: Supply Side Jesus, Santa Claus and Wal-Mart.
If you are with me, leave any and all war-on-Christmas related material in the comments. We need soldiers and ammunition to effectively storm blogtopia with our message of truth, justice and winter solstice freedom.
If we fail, well, we always have next year.
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OPERATION DECEMBER FREEDOM
So you've heard the dreadful music and the endless propaganda from right-wing punditoids about the war. Well, it's here! The Coalition of the Willing has been assembled. Our goal - to liberate the month of December from the evil clutches of Christmas. My mantra is fuck Christmas (with protection!)
Here's a sampling of the different fronts in the war on Christmas...
Christians: Did you know they were for the war on Christmas before they were against it?
Anti-consumerists: Instead of purchasing needless items why not be original and offer up homemade goods or services this year? But Christians are fighting back in the shopping mauls with cardboard cut-outs of Jesus - buy products for Him!
Eastern Europeans: Czech advertisers launch their own war on Santa arguing: "this stupid, fat guy with the red outfit is taking over our television ads, and we say it's enough".
Canadians: Rudolph, forgive them. They know not what they do.
Jews in Seattle: Rabbi takes down Sea-Tac in one fell swoop!
Fox News Channel: The network that created the war on Christmas is having a "holiday party" this year. So much for all that religious persecution...
Barney Bush: View the lastest Whitehouse propaganda video "Barney's Holiday Extravaganza" - you'll understand why the first Scottish Terrier hates Christmas - and you'll learn that besides being unable to govern, the Bush adminstration lacks basic acting skills.
UK: Shopping center security guards told a children's Christmas choir to shut up. The children left in tears. Link courtesy of Blue Gal.
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