our lady of rigor mortis

Do you dream of spending eternity staring at the Virgin Mary? Well, now you can... order while supplies last. But take heed of their shipping policy..."Acts of God, weather-related conditions, and states of emergencies can delay delivery beyond the stated delivery parameters".

And their bonus disclaimer: THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC OR OTHER EVIDENCE THAT ANY CASKET WITH A SEALING DEVICE WILL PRESERVE HUMAN REMAINS.

Don't say they didn't warn you.

Me? I want to be cremated. It's cheaper.