this blog will self-destruct in five seconds: consumerism

Showing posts with label consumerism. Show all posts

15 April 2008

14 April 2008

08 March 2008

Get ready for some spring cleaning. Here's a post that's been sitting in my drafts for a few months. I'd be remiss in not highlighting Gregory Rodriguez's thoughts on the co-optation of environmental rhetoric by the capitalist marketplace:

Most external national threats remind us of our essential goodness. The agents behind them are our enemies, the bad guys. Environmentalist rhetoric, on the other hand, constantly reminds us of our own culpability. For that reason, environmentalism is more akin to a religious awakening than to a political ideology. Like evangelicals, environmentalists speak, in their way, of fire and brimstone. Like the preacher, the environmental activist demands that we give ourselves to something beyond ourselves and that we do penance for our wasteful, carbon-profligate sins. Like the Catholic Church of old, they even sell indulgences -- carbon offsets.

And like any religion that emphasizes sin, devotees will find all sorts of ways to prove their personal righteousness. Particularly during the Christmas shopping season, it's fun to watch this new secular religion collide with one of our more established ones: shopping. Just last week, I received a renewal notice from my favorite newsmagazine that promised if I renewed my subscription now (and thereby kept the publishers from sending me 10 more paper reminders), I could "renew the Earth" at the same time. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

Plenty of marketers and manufacturers are spinning their products as eco-friendly, not because they'll actually help the Earth but because they hope it'll make you feel better buying them. In fact, the near omnipresence of environmentalist rhetoric in the marketplace ought to be its own warning sign. Once eco-friendliness has become moral currency, and everyone exploits it, the less likely any of it is to make a difference.

Ah, yes. Reminds me of something I saw at Whole Foods the other day.

Coming to a town near you...

02 March 2008

it hides our cheeks and shades our eyes

Watch as Linda Evans attempts to reduce wrinkles by exercising her face muscles but instead transforms into a psychopathic machete-wielding serial killer.

01 March 2008

you have nads!!!

02 February 2008

you are a target market

Spotted by the railroad tracks on Bristol Ave in Santa Ana, CA. But it won't be 76% for long - not after the Neo-Puritans of the Santiago Street Lofts expand their settler colony throughout downtown.

Gentrification, bitches

22 December 2007

all xmas all the time

The Reg's definition of local celebrities includes the owner of the ~~Anaheim~~ Los Angeles Angels, a reality television housewife and the Bishop of the Diocese of Orange.

And we have the best tuba blowers in all the fucking land...

16 December 2007

peyton manning, corporate whore

Somehow this dude has managed to place himself in every goddamn commercial that airs during Sunday NFL games. He sells televisions, electronic gadgets, credit cards, cell phones, satellite service...you name it and he will sell it.

I've been occasionally checking the teevee for the score of the Patriots-Jets game, but every time I glance at the idiot box there's good old boy Peyton telling me to buy something. His on-field antics - pacing back and forth while yelling at his offense line - are annoying enough. Now I have to watch him run through the hallway of the hotel from the Shining...

14 December 2007

strategic redeployment in the war on christmas

My troops are ready. They have doubled in number since last year.

They are well armed and ready to fight two wars: the war on war and the war on conspicuous consumption. Stay tuned for a report from the battlefield next week.

09 December 2007

fuck the new york times

If you have an extra $200 lying around I'm sure you'll want this.

08 December 2007

our lady of rigor mortis

Do you dream of spending eternity staring at the Virgin Mary? Well, now you can... order while supplies last. But take heed of their shipping policy..."Acts of God, weather-related conditions, and states of emergencies can delay delivery beyond the stated delivery parameters".

And their bonus disclaimer: THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC OR OTHER EVIDENCE THAT ANY CASKET WITH A SEALING DEVICE WILL PRESERVE HUMAN REMAINS.

Don't say they didn't warn you.

Me? I want to be cremated. It's cheaper.

07 December 2007

wienershitsmell

Del Taco's 99 cent bean and cheese burrito notwithstanding, I'm quite averse all brands of fast food. I used to think McDonalds' food emitted the worst odor - a bizarre mixture of sugary syrup and rancid frying oil. However, I've discovered a cuisine whose atrocious smell matches its equally disturbing appearance.

Who enjoys eating a penis-shaped hunk of processed nitrate-infused mystery meat covered with faux yellow fromage and diarrhea chili?

Wienerschnitzel pushes the boundaries of my gag reflex. Sorry if I've spoiled your appetite - I'm just doing my part to encourage healthy eating. You know, someone has got to think of the children...

10 November 2007

danny bonaduce will kill you

This is the scariest image I've seen in a long time. I may have to reconsider my war on Christmas if the Santanistas have this crazy dude on their side.

08 November 2007

al-qaeda declares war on christmas

(CBS) LOS ANGELES - The FBI has issued an "intelligence information report" warning of possible terrorist threats against shopping malls in Los Angeles and Chicago over the holiday season, it was reported Thursday.

According to reports, the warning states that: "As of August 2007 Al-Qa'ida planned to strike U.S. shopping malls in Chicago, Illinois, and Los Angeles, California, during the 2007 Christmas season. Al-Qa'ida hoped to disrupt the U.S. economy and had been planning the attack for the past two years."

But I thought we were fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here in the department store checkout lines. But, wait...

The FBI and Los Angeles police today downplayed the significance of an unsubstantiated counter-terrorism warning that Al Qaeda may target shopping malls in Los Angeles and Chicago this holiday season.

The warning became public shortly after a declassified version of an intelligence report was distributed to thousands of law enforcement agencies around the country. Counter-terrorism officials quickly cautioned that it was based on an uncorroborated report from a foreign intelligence source and had been known to U.S. authorities for weeks.

Doh! We didn't mean to leak that to the press (shh, of course we did).

Be afraid - but continue shopping or else the terrorists win.

24 October 2007

usc swag is the must have gift of the season

As if I needed another reason to loathe USC. This piece of garbage was advertised in the coupon section of the Sunday LA Times. The University of Spoiled Children is so widely worshiped in these parts because Los Angeles has no NFL team. What's worse than USC grads? Yuppie douchebags who didn't go to USC but love the goddamn Trojans, decorate their SUVs with red and gold regalia and purchase 24kt gold-plated USC rings.

12 October 2007

theorize this

"Industry speculates on the refinement of needs, it speculates however just as much on their crudeness, but on their artificially produced crudeness, whose true enjoyment, therefore, is self-stupefaction – this illusory satisfaction of need this civilisation contained within the crude barbarism of need."

This perfectly describes the consumption industry of 2007 - mass media infotainment, cult of celebrity, advertising, and the like. However, these words were written by Karl Marx in 1844. Yeah, the dude went astray trying to find a "scientific" theory of capital and thinking we could "change" society, but he sure was spot on in his analysis of ruling class ideology...and how did he know I enjoy self-stupefaction on a regular basis!?!

13 September 2007

what the hell is high school musical anyway?

Oh yeah, it's more Disney mind-numbing entertainment for this great nation's children, but unlike Snow White, this main character bears all for the cameras.