28 February 2007
27 February 2007
our lady of the mozzarella
...two Our Fathers, three Hail Mary's and three hours of self-flagellation for being such a gullible idiot willing to believe a stained pizza pan is a sign from the supernatural.
It's hard not to be a misanthrope when I'm encountered by such stupidity on a weekly basis.
25 February 2007
media rat bastards
Feeling good just having completed by paper on "the West" (I briefly considered ranting why I despise the concept of "the West" for being a vague seamless geographical region of conceptual nothingness, but then passed on the idea) so I decided to check some news:
Unless Britney Spears consumed a rat taco and puked her guts out all over Paris Hilton, I'm not sure what celebrity drug use has to do with this story. Must every god damned story contain a celebrity angle these days? Yes. We Amerikans must know what our celebrity gods are up to at all times of the day and night.
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23 February 2007
a beer king leopold would enjoy
I was all set to review this tasty new brew I picked up by New Belgium Brewery called Fat Tire Amber Ale. I mean, what better way to avoid finishing my paper on "the West" than to dive into a 12-pack of some Jebusdamit sweet brew? Then I realized that the master of beer blogging has already covered it - and he gave it a 10 out of 10.
I concur.
So, umm, listen to this song. I've had it on repeat for awhile now. Good shite.
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video killed the blogger
22 February 2007
not as bad as dunder-mifflin but...
Every morning like clockwork the blabbing begins.
"I wonder if K-Fed will get custody?". "I know. Britney is crazy! She shaved her head!". "Did you watch Idol last night?" "Who's Anna Nicole's baby's daddy?"...
Occasionally I raise a truly newsworthy issue such as "Hey, did you hear the US has plans to attack Iran?". Such question is typically followed by a blank stare.
Seriously, the conversations here are soul crushing.
21 February 2007
20 February 2007
don't adjust your dial
In the comments of this post Frederick asked: "How is it our Generation is so dead?" Busker argues that television is the culprit, citing the discovery of the mummified remains of a 70-year old Long Island, NY man sitting dead for more than a year in front of his blaring television set.
Since we're talking bout all things tee-vee, may I direct you to a post I wrote on the subject a couple years back. I'm not sure if it's the content or the medium itself that is the cancer, but either way my generation (Gen X) is dosed. Any thoughts on why we're so dead?
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sitting on a cornflake
Mr. Bush drew an analogy between the Revolution and what he called “a new war to defend our liberty and our people and our way of life,” wording that left unclear whether he meant the combat in Iraq or the broader fight against terror. Washington, he added, “believed that the freedoms we secured in our Revolution were not meant for Americans alone.”
Setting up for the trifecta:
US contingency plans for air strikes on Iran extend beyond nuclear sites and include most of the country's military infrastructure, the BBC has learned. It is understood that any such attack - if ordered - would target Iranian air bases, naval bases, missile facilities and command-and-control centres.
Yesterday was the 65th anniversary of Executive Order 9066 (Michelle Malkin Day) when our great liberal progressive president FDR forced hundreds of thousands of American citizens into internment camps.
Now put a few extra lumps of sugar in your coffee...
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19 February 2007
there's no escaping OEH
Reading Joe Bageant's latest essay Escape from America makes me want to head down to Central America and take up Bokononism.
Mmm, I can taste the rum right now...
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18 February 2007
not guilty for conspiracy
46 years ago today the Chicago Seven were acquitted on conspiracy charges for their role in the 1968 Democratic Convention protests.
Man, we really need an Abbie Hoffman around today.
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16 February 2007
do you have a cure for the hiccup girl?
ABC wants to help Jennifer Robidoux (a.k.a. the Hiccup Girl)
Here's my solution.
Yes, I have wicked mind sometimes. Just wait for my poems from second grade.
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15 February 2007
remember the maine
109 years ago today the wheels were set in motion for the United States' first imperialist war outside the North American continent. (I'd argue the first imperialist war of the U.S. was the Mexican-American War). The questionable explosion of the U.S.S. Maine in Havana harbor was the impetus for the Spanish-American War of 1898.
Funny how wars always seem to have dubious beginnings (The Maine, Gulf of Tonkin, WMD, etc.)
The 1890 U.S. census declared the closing of the frontier. Unable to move further west for "new" land, the United States went abroad to satisfy her imperial ambitions. The US defeated Spain quickly, gaining the Spanish colonies of Guam, Puerto Rico and the Philippines as spoils of war. The Philippines refused to acquiesce easily to their new Anglophone masters. Cuba was also declared independent from Spanish rule but remained under the direct influence of the United States until Tio Fidel's revolution in 1959.
Me thinks this nation has been an empire much longer than it's been a republic.
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14 February 2007
scalia family values
and the "Lucille Bluth Mother of the Year" award goes to...
WHEATON, Ill. - U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s daughter was arrested this week and charged with driving under the influence of alcohol and child endangerment, officials said Wednesday.Ann S. Banaszewski, 45, of Wheaton, was arrested Monday evening while driving away from a fast-food restaurant in the suburb 20 miles west of Chicago, police said. Three children were inside Banaszewski’s van when someone called police to report a suspected intoxicated driver, said Deputy Chief Tom Meloni...
Scalia, who began serving on the Supreme Court in 1986, has nine children.
Naturally, being the daughter of one of the nine black-robed judicial tyrants, Banaszewski was released from police custody on a "personal recognizance bond". I'm surprised Noelle Bush wasn't in the car too.
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analogies
It's your favorite section of the SAT!
Paula Abdul : 'I've never been drunk'
a) Silvio Berlusconi : 'I would love to go to a desert island with you'
b) David Hasselhoff : 'I'm hooked on a feeling'
c) President Bush : 'We do not torture'
d) Russell Hammond: 'I am a golden god'
Leave your answer in the comments.
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13 February 2007
¿dónde está el comandante?
If you enjoy political theory check out my post at the defeatists!
If you fancy poorly executed sporting analogies for intelligence quagmires check out my post at Agitprop.
If you want to know why my dog is a better soccer player than I am watch this.
11 February 2007
09 February 2007
08 February 2007
trimspa, baby!
Breaking news you don't want to lose:
(CNN) -- Reality TV star and former model Anna Nicole Smith was pronounced dead Thursday after being taken to a Florida hospital after being found unconscious in her hotel room, a law enforcement source with knowledge of the case told CNN.
Smith, 39, collapsed at a south Florida hotel and was taken to a local hospital, according to news reports. TMZ.com had reported that Smith collapsed at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida, and was rushed to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood just after 2 p.m. ET.
Reality TV will be the death of us all!
The only solace is that the networks will lay off yapping about Iraq and the Obama-Edwards-Hillary campaign for a few days...
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07 February 2007
americans invade merseyside
American businessmen George Gillett and Tom Hicks have purchased Liverpool FC - the most successful football club in England - for $344 million. Gillet currently owns the NHL's Montreal Canadians. In addition to owning both the NHL's Dallas Stars and the Texas Rangers, Hicks is a Bush pioneer who raised more than $100,000 for the Decider's 2000 and 2004 campaigns. In 1998, Hicks purchased the Texas Rangers from Bush for $250 million. In return the Texas oligarch received many political and financial perks from the governor's office.
Politics notwithstanding, this is a good move for the club. Liverpool's new American owners may consider marketing the club to an American audience and arrange summer tours. But I wonder how scousers feel about a Bush loyalist owning their club? From what I've heard, Brits aren't too keen on foreign ownership. Less than two years ago British fans, Liverpudlians in particular, chastised Manchester United for its new American owner Malcolm Glazer. I expect Man Yoo fans to rub this week's news in the face Liverpool fans. Let's see how they like them apples...
hat tip: Soccer Blog
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06 February 2007
rehab revolution
If you gotta problem yo I'll solve it!
Me wonders if the following mofos would have ever considered "rehab" as an option if their trials and tribulations did not become public knowledge.
- Mel Gibson - attended rehab after a drunken anti-Semitic and misogynistic outburst toward Malibu police in an attempt to salvage his image prior to the release of Apocalypto. Apparently, it worked.
- Ted Haggard - received spiritual restoration to "cure" his meth addiction and homosexuality. Praise Jebus, teh gay be gone!
- Michael Richards - began psychiatric counseling to manage anger and try to understand why he hates African Americans.
- Isaiah Washington - attended psychological counseling to try to understand why he hates homosexuals.
- Lindsay Lohan - attending rehab for alcohol, drugs and bulimia while indulging in alcohol, drugs and stomach purging on the weekends.
- Gavin Newsom - will attend alcohol counseling after admitting to banging his campaign adviser's wife. What an idiot - as if there aren't enough hot, young single women in SF for him to chase.
- Paris Hilton - will probably attend rehab to understand why she hates African Americans and homosexuals. One can only hope she experiences some swift aversion therapy. Hell, it worked for Alex de Large.
So, whether you suffer from homophobia, racism or adultery, just blame it on alcohol and admit that rehab is the solution for you! Unfortunately, one has yet to develop a rehab center for war-addicted neocons...
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05 February 2007
four years ago today
Colin Powell at the United Nations:
My colleagues, every statement I make today is backed up by sources, solid sources. These are not assertions. What we're giving you are facts and conclusions based on solid intelligence. I will cite some examples, and these are from human sources.
Solid human sources like an alcoholic dude named Curveball. His "mobile biological agent factories" turned out to be refrigeration trucks. And those "unmanned aerial vehicles" designed to spray biological and chemical toxins? They were reconnaissance drones. I could go on, but you already know...
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04 February 2007
super bowl
This afternoon I will reluctantly take part in the Merkin tradition of the Super Bowl. I'm not much of a gridiron football fan - my Super Bowl this year will take place on May 23. But I heard that they have beer at Super Bowl parties, so I'm in. And I guess I'll root for the Bears (who I assume are the underdogs) and will hope to see some gratuitous nipple exposure during the halftime extravaganza.
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dispatches from dumbfuckistan
"It just makes more sense to me!"
Evangelical Christianity, reproducing stupidity daily...
A clip from Friends of God
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02 February 2007
with apologies to joe strummer
Teflon Tony is resisting to cede the reigns of Parliament.
This poodle still has a few yaps in him...
Last summer, my mom ran into Tony Blair and Bono in Pebble Beach, CA. My parents had visited the Inn at Spanish Bay and were leaving the hotel when Bono and Blair crossed their path. Bono ignored them but my mom recognized Blair and he responded politely by flashing her a smile. Say what you want about his politics, but at least he's not an asshole who turns a small town's breakfast ritual into a PR event.
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01 February 2007
more tales from the uc irvine campus police blotter
The first case is quite serious, but the rest are hilarious, as usual.
You mean I'm supposed to take my Lean Cuisine out of the paper box before heating it in the oven? I'm just a college student, gimme a break...
Apparently the caller on Owen Ct. has never heard of Life Alert. Looks like the "male white possibly smoking drugs" fell off the wagon at Hotboxers Anonymous.
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hey boston, i will rock your face!
Meet the Mooninites.
These cartoon aliens sent paranoid Bostonians into a panic.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force, number one in the da hood, G!
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