Everyday I drift further and further from reality. Now the indie fuckwad hipsters are bashing my favorite cute, loveable 30-minute food guru. Is there no decency? What is this world coming to? Next thing you know they'll be laughing Mr. Swayze into the grave while they decry that communist pedophile Mr. Rogers.
Read more...For the past week I've been using Google Reader to aggregate my total internet experience. Doing so has led me to new and exciting territory. It has also led me to sites I ordinarily would not visit. One of these is "Men's Health" magazine, which I found through some blog whose link I've since misplaced.
Here is a sampling of the headlines on their site:
On the same day that a man killed, cooked, and possibly ate his girlfriend the Most Trusted Name in News reported that a newlywed couple dined on a wedding cake that was a full-size likeness of the bride.
Seriously, WTF CNN?
Danielle Miller, 16, was working at the McDonald's on Gher Road and state Route 500 on Dec. 21 when she suddenly felt ill and ran to the bathroom, reported television station KPTV in Portland, Ore. A friend and co-worker of Miller's followed her into the restroom and asked her if she was pregnant. Miller said no. But moments later, with the assistance of a 911 dispatcher, the friend helped Miller deliver her baby in the McDonald's restroom.
Kansas City police are investigating a 20-year-old woman who allegedly tried to flush her newborn son down the toilet at a McDonald's restaurant after giving birth in the restroom. Both the baby and the mother, a Kansas City resident who works at the McDonald's, were being treated Tuesday at a Kansas City hospital. Police said the child is expected to survive.
I will not leave you alone. I will keep rubbing it in.
Do you dream of spending eternity staring at the Virgin Mary? Well, now you can... order while supplies last. But take heed of their shipping policy..."Acts of God, weather-related conditions, and states of emergencies can delay delivery beyond the stated delivery parameters".
And their bonus disclaimer: THERE IS NO SCIENTIFIC OR OTHER EVIDENCE THAT ANY CASKET WITH A SEALING DEVICE WILL PRESERVE HUMAN REMAINS.
Don't say they didn't warn you.
Me? I want to be cremated. It's cheaper.
This sort of reminds me of my days attending Sunday morning church, trying to keep from laughing at the horrible cantors who butchered already crappy religious hymns with their more crappy vocal stylings.
...with Lebowski references.
Give me a break. I'm bored - and stuck at home babysitting a 2-year old.
Don't ask...
Some people wonder why I like Shakira. No, it's not because her hips are infallible - ok, that's not the only reason. I admit her English-language material is pretty bad - it's pure pop crap submitted to the Billboard charts for approval. And that shite is probably all you've been exposed to. Plus, her accent when singing in English is nasily and atrocious. Just imagine your favorite artist singing his or her songs in a foreign language - it wouldn't sound that great.
That said, some tracks on Fijacion Oral, vol. 1 - her Spanish-language release from 2005 - are heavenly. Ok, enough drooling over the works of this half-Lebanese, half-Colombian chanteuse...
P.S. ... umm, Glenn?... Doritos are not Spanish...and antipasto is Italian!
(via How to Avoid the Bummer Life)
Miss Teen South Carolina. Meet Channing Crowder:
Crowder, who comes from Atlanta in Georgia, may be praised on the field, but confessed geography was not his strong point. He admitted he did not know until now where London was - or that Londoners spoke English.
"I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries," he said. "I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that."
Crowder added: "I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. "That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."
Bryan Adams to Launch Mideast Peace Show
Someone please tell him it's not 1989 anymore. Oh wait, assuming that they are at least 20 years behind the curve culturally, Palestinians might actually like his brand of pop-rock.
For those people who suddenly decide they want a "peaceful divorce" while on their morning commute.
My local AM sports station has been advertising a peculiar event on their internet stream. Keeping it Real USA is billed as "motivational speaking meets Cirque du Soleil meets Dancing with the Stars" and its star attraction is Dennis Prager. Apparently, keeping it real means railing against breastfeeding, Cindy Sheehan and Islamofascists and their liberal-commie enablers. I wonder if he'll do the mambo with Mariel Hemingway.
UNION CITY, Ga. -- A McDonald's employee spent a night in jail and is facing criminal charges because a police officer's burger was too salty, so salty that he says it made him sick. Kendra Bull was arrested Friday, charged with misdemeanor reckless conduct and freed on $1,000 bail. Bull, 20, said she accidentally spilled salt on hamburger meat and told her supervisor and a co-worker, who "tried to thump the salt off."
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