why not just ask a mormon?

Get in position. While it hasn't been scientifically proven, it's generally thought that positions which place the sperm close to the cervix are more conducive to pregnancy, specifically the "missionary position" with a pillow under the woman's hips. Remaining in bed for at least a half hour after intercourse may also increase the chances of sperm reaching the egg.

But the missionary position is so god damned boring!

more vital baby factory operating procedures at How to Get Pregnant.

UDPATE: If you are intending to get pregnant (and you're married, of course) you are allowed to remove the holy trinity IUD for that particular occasion. But remember - doggy, lotus, reverse cowgirl or any other unholy sexual positions are by all means verboten.

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presidential advice

In a 1918 article in The Atlantic magazine, former President Theodore Roosevelt wrote, "If, when assailed by the ostrich, the man stands erect, he is in great danger. But by the simple expedient of lying down, he escapes all danger." The experience of ostrich farmers, naturalists, and adventurers has largely confirmed Roosevelt's observation. Since ostriches kick forward and downward, the chance of injury is much lower if you lie face down on the ground and cover your head and neck with your arms. Your back will still be exposed, but this is much safer than if your front were open to attack.

More life-saving information on How to Survive an Encounter with an Ostrich.

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semi-interesting facts about third tier democratic presidential candidate senator chris dodd from his wikipedia entry

In July 1970, he married Susan Mooney; they divorced in October 1982. Afterwards, he dated at different times Bianca Jagger, Erin Carter, and Carrie Fisher.[5] In 1999, he married his second wife, Jackie Marie Clegg, who is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The couple have two daughters, Grace (born September 2001) and Christina Dodd (born May 2005).

Bianca Jagger and Carrie Fisher. Damn.

Which brings me to this admission...

I've had a crush on Miss Fisher ever since I watched Return of the Jedi at age 5.




You can't go wrong with a golden metal bikini.

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inquiring minds want to know

I give you the top 10 "How to" searches in the U.S:

1. How to tie a tie
2. How to have sex
3. How to kiss
4. How to lose weight
5. How to write a resume
6. How to levitate
7. How to draw
8. How to get pregnant
9. How to make out
10. How to make a video
    

Americans sure are curious, inquisitive people, aren't they? Look at all the difficult activities they want to learn! Unless you're talking about birth control or airplane functionality sexual intercourse has got to be one of the most natural, evolutionary ingrained human behaviors next to breathing. I'm surprised "how to eat" and "how to walk" weren't in the top 10.

Did you know there's an entire site devoted to answering "how to" questions? I was doing a little browsing myself the other day when I decided to hit the random article button, which led me to this glorious tutorial:

It's fun watching TV and movies... except for one little flaw: The entire time you're wishing you were as glamorous and sophisticated as the stars. Have you ever wondered how Mary-Kate, Kirsten, Nicole, and Lindsay get dressed to get coffee, but still look ridiculously good? Here's how.

Yep, that's me. Everytime I watch the Big Lebowski I long to wear a bathrobe and slippers like the Dude.

Tags: how to, stupidity, celebrity, wiki

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pobresita

Here's something mi esposa discovered on Wikipedia while searching for introductory Spanish language texts. Click to embiggen the screenshot for a stunning review of Pobre Ana. Who knows how long the last sentence will outlast the frantic mouse clicks of the Wiki censors...

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have racists hacked wikipedia?

so I'm working on my final paper which is on the origins of the Atlantic slave trade. I go to Wikipedia to get some info on the Emancipation Proclamation and this screen is the result:



(click image for larger version)

the page indicates it was "last modified 02:09, 1 December 2006". well, that's what you get with "open source" media. let's hope the wiki folks clean this up tout de suite.

UPDATE: it is fixed. now the page reads "last modified 03:12, 3 December 2006."

Tags: wikipedia, hacker, racism, slavery

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public service announcement

Now that I am one whole year older I've been thinking about my place in this world. What is my purpose and where do I start? See, I feel it is my duty to pass on vital information to the community in order to foster a more compassionate and just world.

I wish to direct my first of many messages to America's youth because I believe the children are our future. If you teach them well and let them lead the way they'll turn out to be fine upstanding members of society.

So what is the first battle in my war on people who don't believe the children are our future? My message is this: don't become a blogger.

If you've already succumbed to the evil green fairy of blogtopia then I can offer you no solutions -- I ain't starting a 12-step program -- you and I can share links like lowly smack addicts we are.

But if you are considering a life of blogging and you haven't yet taken the plunge then I urge you to reconsider. I know it sounds cool to have your own site and write about whatever you want -- but it really is a drag sometimes. I can't tell you how many times I've considered flushing these damned opiates down the toilet only to be lured back by the sultry siren song of the blogosphere.

Before you commit yourself to a life of pain and suffering please read this.

I appreciate your time and attention. I promise you'll thank me later.

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contingency planning

here are some good tips to remember if you ever find yourself in prison (you know, just in case the current regime deems you to be undesirable and antithetical to their plans for global domination)

1. Do not cry, show fear, or a vulnerability publicly. Doing so will quickly make you a target for other prisoners.


2. Learn to play spades, chess, or hoops as it makes the time go by faster.


3. Get a prison job which will keep you occupied as the days pass by.


4. Read a lot. They have a library there so use it. Catch up on your reading.


5. Consider writing as well. Letters to friends and family, fictional short-stories, and poetry can make time pass a bit faster. more...

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