we don't give a damn 'bout your fucking kids

SACRAMENTO - Late this week, notices will go out to thousands of teachers across California informing them that they may be out of a job in a few months - the first and clearest indication to many families of the kind of pain that California's massive budget deficit could inflict.

The layoff letters, which must go out by Saturday, could number in the tens of thousands, school officials warn. And though it's possible, if not likely, that many of the warnings won't result in actual pink slips, the notices could be a flash point in the debate over how to close an $8 billion budget deficit - and what the fallout might be on rank-and-file Californians.

And I was under the impression that my governor abandoned his teacher-hating ways after his special election went down in flames. I guess not.

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ted stevens dreamt my worst nightmare

Thursday morning my internet connection died. I troubleshooted every angle with my ISP's tech support help line. No dice. We concluded I was receiving no signal from the outside. Luckily, earlier in the week I had scheduled a service appointment for Friday morning to have a new coaxial outlet installed upstairs. At least the problem would be resolved when the installer arrived (I hoped).

Friday morning at 8:30am the installer arrived. First, he said that he could not install a new outlet (that's why I scheduled the appointment in the first place). He could only drill holes in my ceiling and run a coaxial wire down to my modem in the computer room. Regarding the lack of signal entering the house, he determined there was a problem with the large cable utility box outside in my development. While trying to open the cable box he broke the fucking lock. Worse, he lacked the correct tools fix his mistake. He then left, telling me someone would return in a couple hours to drill the lock, restore my internet connection and add my new outlet.

Two hours came and went. Two more passed. I waited home all day calling my ISP hourly for updates. Tech support, the department that schedules installations, operates from Ohio. They have no way of communicating with the local technicians in Orange County. The system merely showed that my work order had not been completed. They referred me to the billing department (who knows what state or country they're located in). They can send one-way text messages to the local dispatchers and their technicians in the field but cannot communicate with tech support. They sent several text messages to the technician to call me with an update. The dude went AWOL. I never heard back from anyone, so around 4pm I called for the fourth time and reached a supervisor. I scheduled a new appointment for Saturday morning - that was the only way to get an actual person to return to my house and fix the problem.

This morning a technician arrived with two helpers. First, they discovered my cable internet line had been disconnected from the exterior cable utility box. Apparently an auditor clipped my connection because "it was unmarked". My connection had been working uninterrupted and unmarked for over three years and they just decided to kill it now.

The technician plugged my line back in, marked it with my name and address, and then I was back up and running. As for installing another coaxial line in the computer room, he recommended buying a wireless adapter for my PC (duh, why hadn't I thought of that in the first place) which I'm now running.

Sorry to bore you with this tale but I had to vent my frustration. Now I'm heading to BevMo to pick up a good bottle of red wine. The moral of the story is: go wireless and do not do business with Cox Communications!

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what then, you ask, is the system?

Here is the solution.

Thanks to Lauren for the image.

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spotted on the back of an armored car

"The System is the Solution"

Seeing this message stopped me in my tracks over at Fascist Island. It is still sinking in...

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can you hear me now?

The FBI, which has had trouble keeping track of its guns and laptops, also has a chronic problem paying its phone bills on time, according to audit results released today. Telephone companies have repeatedly cut off FBI access to wiretaps of alleged terrorists and criminal suspects because of the bureau's failure to pay its bills, the audit found.

The report by Justice Department Inspector General Glenn A. Fine also found that more than half of the nearly 1,000 telecommunications bills reviewed by investigators were not paid on time, including one invoice for $66,000 at one unidentified field office.

Gonzo's stooges must have spent countless hours calling 1-900 sex operators Christian prayer lines.

To the folks who believe that 9/11 was an inside job I say to you...how could our government mastermind the most massive terrorist attack on U.S. soil in history when they can't even pay their fucking phone bills?!? Incompetence, my friend, will kill us all.

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in brady we trust

Apparently, the New England Patriots are no longer just an NFL team. They constitute a national emergency:

In an unprecedented decision, the league announced Wednesday that CBS and NBC -- and not just NFL Network -- will air Saturday night's finale between the Patriots and New York Giants in a three-way simulcast...

On Christmas Eve, Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) delivered a letter to Goodell suggesting the NFL consider using the "flex schedule" -- a progamming device that allows the league to change kickoff times to give NBC the best matchups for its Sunday night broadcasts.

"Electing to air the game on NBC would ensure that every television in America has access to such a historic game," Kerry wrote.

Wow. I am actually shedding real tears. You know, if John Kerry demonstrated this sort of political expediency and bully-pulpit efficiency back in 2004 he would be president now...

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calling the los angeles times

Agi: Hi, I'd like to change my service to Sundays only.

Call center rep no. 1: Ok, sir. May I ask why you want to change your service?

Agi: I don't have time to read the paper. I only want the Sunday edition.

Call center rep no. 1: But did you know that the weekend package [Thursday through Sunday] is the same price as receiving Sunday only?...and the weekend package comes with TV listings, a special Thursday calendar section, arts, entertainment…

Agi: I know. I just want Sunday only.

Call center rep no. 1: Ok, sir. Let me transfer you to an agent who can complete your request.

Agi: Thanks.

[On hold for approximately 1 minute while I wonder whether they are transferring me to Manila or Mumbai]

Call center rep no.2: Hello Sir, how can I assist you?

Agi: Yes, I want to change my service from the weekend package to Sunday only.

Call center rep no.2: May I ask why you want to change your service?

Agi: I already explained that twice to the previous guy.

Call center rep no.2: The weekend package is the same price as receiving the paper Sunday only – and you get many great features.

Agi: Look, I don't have the time to read it. I just want the Sunday edition. I don't care if the weekend package is the same price. I rather save some trees.

Call center rep no. 2: Ok, Sir. Let me process your request.

[A few keyboard clicks on his end and my subscription was changed]

. . .

I'm sure you all have had a similar experience on the telephone. These employees are not trying to be rude nor are they simple-minded individuals. They stubbornly stick to their script in spite of the hurdles thrown in their path. I could have told call center rep no. 2 that receiving the paper on Friday makes me suicidal but he still would have attempted to sell me on the supreme benefits of maintaining my weekend service.

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no wonder these kids get wedgies

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rafael y aurora

Por vida.

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what falco said

Today the U.S. Senate progressed valiantly in its quest for further irrelevancy by passing the General Petraeus Advertising Protection Amendment. This utter idiocy makes me long for the day when they were busy debating whether or not English should be made the official language of the nation.

Tags: petraeus, iraq, move on, bullshit, congress, stupidity, government

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she should have spit in it instead

UNION CITY, Ga. -- A McDonald's employee spent a night in jail and is facing criminal charges because a police officer's burger was too salty, so salty that he says it made him sick. Kendra Bull was arrested Friday, charged with misdemeanor reckless conduct and freed on $1,000 bail. Bull, 20, said she accidentally spilled salt on hamburger meat and told her supervisor and a co-worker, who "tried to thump the salt off."

...and Union City is called "The Progressive City". That's some progressive law enforcement right there. I wonder what drove the cop to ingest the entire burger if it was so god awful salty?

Tags: stupidity, crime, mcdonalds, burger, salt, cops, police

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the district doesn't sleep alone tonight

Tens of thousands of condoms provided free by the District to curb HIV-AIDS have been returned to the health department because of complaints that their paper packaging is easily damaged and could render the condoms ineffective...

Volunteers concerned about why interest had dropped began asking people who had picked up the condoms. They were told about packets ripping in purses or bursting open in pockets. As a result, recipients said they had little confidence that the condoms would offer protection. In addition, expiration dates on some of the Chinese-made condoms were illegible.

This was all part of a government program titled "Coming Together to Stop HIV in D.C." Nice play on words, you silly municipal public health bureaucrats.

Why someone would trust a condom that reads "Made in China" I will never understand. The evil red menace has already killed our pets and tried to harm our children. Perhaps D.C. officials actually want to promote pregnancy and the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases.

Tags: birth control, d.c., china, condoms, government

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sporting diplomacy

Cal Ripken Jr. has been drafted by the Karen Hughes diplomatic core. Outside of Japan, Korea, Venezuela and a few Caribbean islands the world doesn't care much for baseball. But Condi believes that European kids will want to be like Cal!

Sorry Cal, you seem like a nice guy and all, but I'd be surprised if a handful of Euro kids know who you are. Europeans don't give a fuck about baseball. Soccer, rugby, cricket...these are popular world sports. In fact, no American sports have truly succeeded outside of the U.S. on a world stage. Can you name one?

Well, at least they chose a sports figure with some integrity. Hughes could have asked Barry Bonds to be her cultural ambassador (actually, his "go fuck yourself" attitude perfectly represents Bush administration foreign policy). Condi, a.k.a. Miss NFL, should recruit Pacman Jones and Michael Vick who will both have some free time this season. That tag team of assault and torture encapsulates Cheneyism to a T. Oh wait, we're trying to convince the world that we're not assholes. Nevermind...

Good luck, Mr. Ripken. Honestly, I wish you the best.

Tags: sports, condi, politics, world, baseball, cal ripken

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smack rations up 200%

hat tip: The Culture Ghost at Frederick's place

Tags: heroin, drugs, opium, afghanistan

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political theater

Lambchop: "Mr. President, why are we still in Iraq?"

Bush: "If we don't build $600 million government buildings that get bombed over there, then we can't build ones that get bombed over here!"

Lambchop: "Wha?"

Bush: "September the Eleventh"

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even nikki sixx can do the surge

Where the hell does the U.S. military come up with these operation names? Commando Eagle. Arrowhead Ripper. Phantom Thunder. I think that last one was the name of my AYSO Division 4 soccer team. That was back when hair bands ruled the Billboard charts. Wait a minute - that's it...they've stolen the names of 80's metal bands!



Operation Black Spandex Crusher is in the house!

*I know I'm re-hashing this image - it's at least two years old but it seemed apropos to the subject.

Tags: war, iraq, surge, bush

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the kids are alright

Don't let the 6-3 decision by those old white dudes get you down. Go on and pass the dutchie, and make sure you give Jesus a few good tokes...

Tags: bong hits 4 jesus, scotus, musical youth, marijuana, reggae

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the bitch said yeah

She's free at last to fuck on camera. God bless America!



listen: CSS - Meeting Paris Hilton (mp3)

Update @ 4pm: Dammit, I posted too soon. She's going back to jail.

Related: Banksy punks Paris Hilton

Tags: paris hilton, dui, justice, los angeles

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speaking of the police...

here's the latest action from Irvinia (click to embiggen)



Why did the snake cross the road? To cause a traffic jam, of course.



And that was my moment of zen.

Previous posts on the UC Irvine crime spree: (1) (2)

Tags: irvine, police, crime

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the eternal march toward progress

I got nothin.

So clap clap clap your hands then check out CAM Buenos Aires and Dadanois.

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