'cos you don't introduce new products in august
Please try new blog. Is nice.
Quick, look over there!
31 October 2007
30 October 2007
great moments in western civilization
I present to you the McDonald's Frankenstein Pizza.
The handgun is a nice touch, don't you think?
27 October 2007
26 October 2007
because some u.s. americans don't have maps
Miss Teen South Carolina. Meet Channing Crowder:
Crowder, who comes from Atlanta in Georgia, may be praised on the field, but confessed geography was not his strong point. He admitted he did not know until now where London was - or that Londoners spoke English.
"I couldn't find London on a map if they didn't have the names of the countries," he said. "I swear to God. I don't know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that."
Crowder added: "I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. "That's the closest thing I know to London. He's black, so I'm sure he's not from London. I'm sure that's a coincidental name."
Crowder will be surprised to find several, if not many black people in London. If the NFL wants to make a good impression on the English sporting market they better not let Crowder give any interviews to the press. Not that it really matters - this Sunday the English public will be much more focused on Arsenal v. Liverpool (so will I) than the mediocre New York Giants playing the 2nd worst team in the NFL.
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24 October 2007
usc swag is the must have gift of the season
As if I needed another reason to loathe USC. This piece of garbage was advertised in the coupon section of the Sunday LA Times. The University of Spoiled Children is so widely worshiped in these parts because Los Angeles has no NFL team. What's worse than USC grads? Yuppie douchebags who didn't go to USC but love the goddamn Trojans, decorate their SUVs with red and gold regalia and purchase 24kt gold-plated USC rings.
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i love champions league week*
It feels good to score. Ray Hudson would call it orgasmic.
Chelski forward Didier Drogba might miss Jose, but he's still finding the net for Abramovich.
Don't mess with him when he's hungry. Bayern Munich goalkeeper Oliver Kahn will eat you alive.
Young Gunner Theo Walcott scored twice in Arsenal's 7-0 demolition of Slavia Prague in the UEFA Champions League.
And finally, with the Galaxy's season ending prematurely, David Beckham realizes that he couldn't live up to the hype. Well, there's always Sunday afternoon pick up games at Tom Cruise's house...
*inspired by LOL Jocks
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23 October 2007
but what about paris hilton's house?
This was taken from one of the region's many fine media establishments. They're always quick to point out the celebrity angle of any story, especially when the celebrities hate America.
Tart points out another fine example of excellence in wildfire media coverage. Then there was the local Fox affiliate was too obsessed with saluting the flag to properly cover the Santiago fire.
Amidst all this devastation I recalled something my good Senator said last month:
“The California National Guard has lost so much equipment as a result of the war in Iraq that, according to the Secretary of the Army, the Guard may lack the capability to respond to a large scale emergency such as a catastrophic earthquake or major flood. This is unacceptable. My amendment will help Congress get a more accurate picture of the Guard’s equipment shortages and needs so we can ensure we are fully prepared to respond to domestic emergencies. We must not wait for disaster to strike before we act.”
Doh! At least they're able to put out fires in Ramallah with all those large helicopters and airplanes.
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22 October 2007
socal is burning
This morning I woke up to a storm of haze and ash. The sun rose in a beautiful orange and red sky but the air smelled like burnt trash. The flames are about 3 miles from my house - it could be the Rapture, so get ready. The Disgruntled Chemist has a good shot of the fire from the other side of Irvine. My place is somewhere right in front of that plume of black smoke.
Read more...
coming soon to FOX
Get ready America, it's time to play Who's the Most Conservative? featuring everyone's favorite host - with that delightful shit-eating grin - Ryan Seacrest!
. . .
Seacrest: Candidate No.2, how would you respond to Candidate No. 1's claim that he would electrocute a Syrian cab driver's testicles to prove his conservative credentials?
Candidate No. 2: Well Ryan, Candidate No. 1 says he is resolute enough to stand up against the liberal feminazis in the Clinton campaign, but did you know that his wife holds a full-time job as a librarian?!? I'm so conservative that I would personally rent a U-Haul truck, drive to a day laborer site, pick up as many illegals as I could hold and drive them back to Mexico on a bumpy, dirt road.
Seacrest: Wow, that's awfully conservative. Candidate No. 1, do you have a response?
Candidate No. 1: Yes, Ryan. What Candidate No. 2 failed to mention is whether or not he would torture the day laborers before he deports them. I would personally waterboard all of them before driving them back to Mexico. As for my wife, she works at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library. They only stock Milton Friedman and Ayn Rand books in their gift shop. Once a month we make love in the missionary position while reciting passages from The Fountainhead. Therefore, we are the most conservative!
. . .
Stay tuned for Who's the Most Conservative? followed by America's Next Top Crank Whore. Only on FOX!
20 October 2007
ginga
Real Madrid forward Robinho meets up with futsal star Falcão in Brasil for some indoor freestyling.
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19 October 2007
17 October 2007
final straw
For as long as I can remember Yahoo! has been the home page for my web browser. Today this ends. Their continued descent into asinine irrelevancy has finally made me jump ship - and this is the feature that prompted such action:
Do I give a fuck if and why Oprah gained twenty pounds over the summer? Of course I don't. I'm not a medical doctor - or even a licensed dietitian - but if I was going to take a stab at this ever-important national quandary I would humbly offer that the billionaire talk show host consumed more calories than calories burned - hence the expanding waist line.
Now...what should be my new home page?
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15 October 2007
because one can never be too prepared
They say it arrives sooner and sooner every year...
I must assemble my War on Christmas battle kit tout de suite. The forces of Big Yuletime have been purchasing Christmas defense kits en masse.
Luckily, I've learned that Mrs. Fields is on our side. The seductive smell of her cookies will lure unsuspecting Santanistas right into our fold and their ranks will be depleted before Thanksgiving!
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12 October 2007
theorize this
"Industry speculates on the refinement of needs, it speculates however just as much on their crudeness, but on their artificially produced crudeness, whose true enjoyment, therefore, is self-stupefaction – this illusory satisfaction of need this civilisation contained within the crude barbarism of need."
This perfectly describes the consumption industry of 2007 - mass media infotainment, cult of celebrity, advertising, and the like. However, these words were written by Karl Marx in 1844. Yeah, the dude went astray trying to find a "scientific" theory of capital and thinking we could "change" society, but he sure was spot on in his analysis of ruling class ideology...and how did he know I enjoy self-stupefaction on a regular basis!?!
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08 October 2007
mint lime sugar
The Mojito - next to the Caipirinha and the Manhattan - has got to be my favorite drink. Above is an easy to make recipe from the Cocktail Kings (forget that new Bacardi ad campaign). Because we are free-trade loving Americans we don't have access to Cuban rum - so I'd recommend using Flor de Caña from Nicaragua (10 year or better) or Montecristo from Guatemala (12 year or better).
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this oughta solve the clusterfuck over there
Bryan Adams to Launch Mideast Peace Show
Someone please tell him it's not 1989 anymore. Oh wait, assuming that they are at least 20 years behind the curve culturally, Palestinians might actually like his brand of pop-rock.
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Read more...
03 October 2007
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